Caring & Committed
EFT for Couples
The greatest gift a parent has to give a child—and a lover has to give a lover—is emotionally attuned attention and timely responsiveness. ~Sue Johnson (Creator of EFT)
EFT for Couples
You are probably on this page because your relationship is going through a crisis or you simply want to improve your relationship. Many couples care about each other but somehow they missed attuning to their partners. If you need help with your relationship, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help you reconnect with your partner.
What is EFT?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a short term evidence-based couple therapy that is based in attachment theory and experiential-systematic model. A couple often gets stuck in their negative cycle (dance) because of their strong emotions. By working through these emotions and develop appropriate emotional responses, the couple can change their dance, learn a better way of connecting, and create a secure bond. Research finds that 70-75% of EFT couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% shows significant improvement.
Herman and his team are EFT trained therapists. Herman is a certified EFT therapist and supervisor. We can help you establish a secure bond with your significant other.
What to expect in EFT for couples?
This is what you can expect when you see an EFT therapist for couple therapy: In the first session, both of you will meet with the therapist. You will share your situation and stuck points. Together with your therapist, you will begin to identify your negative cycle. In the second and third sessions, you will each meet with the therapist individually to do an attachment history, i.e. what did you learn about doing relationship while growing up? These are important sessions because they help us understand how your past affects your present relationship. Whatever is discussed in the individual sessions is summarized and discussed in the subsequent sessions. The therapist will not keep any secret. After that in subsequent sessions, you will both meet with the EFT therapist. You will learn to de-escalate the conflict, work together to change the dance, and building a secure bond between the two of you.
If you are interested, you can watch the following videos by Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of EFT, to better understand EFT?
What is EFT?
If you decide to do EFT with me and you really want to speed up your recovery, you may consider doing the following:
1. Attend EFT couple sessions regularly (no less than once every 2 weeks if possible). If coming to sessions regularly is difficult, you should consider doing Intensive Couple Therapy Weekend (ICTW) to aid you in your recovery.
2. Read “Hold me tight” by Sue Johnson or “Created for connection” (if you prefer the Christian version) by Sue Johnson and “Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.
This book is written in layman terms design for couples to have the 7 most important conversations. I notice that couples will improve faster if they read the book along with our therapy.
This is essentially the same book as “Hold Me Tight” (see above). It includes Bible references and highlight certain Christian perspectives. This usually speed up their progress in couple therapy.
“Attached” is a valuable resource to help couples understand in plain language about their attachment style and how it affects their relationships.
3. Watch the 2 following video clips on “Soothing the threatened brain” and “Love sense: From infant to adult”
Soothing the threatened brain
Infant and Adult Love